Birdsong
by CrimsonCobwebs
Summary: How much would you sacrifise to see another happy? Love is the sweetest of joys and the wildest of woes. Oneshot. Please review!


_I've seen so many fanfics of zid and garnets relationship ending unsuccessfully but I've never seen a realistic version. This is my very short interpretation, I hope you like it._

B i r d s o n g

_'O, love is the sweetest of joy_  
_and the wildest of woe.'  
_- I Want To Be Your Canary

When I was ten, father bought me a bird. It was a beautiful little thing that he had captured on his travels; it's plumage the color of sky and strawberries, its beady eyes bright and curious. It would dance cheerfully from foot to foot and sing its song to me every morning. I loved it. I kept it pride of place on my windowsill in a cage constructed of filigree gold. I would sit beside its cage, letting its sweet song fill my lonely hours.

After just three weeks I began to notice a difference. No longer did its song sound cheerful and light, or its graceful hop exude happiness and frivolity. It merely perched on its swing like stone and sang in a voice subdued and dull.

Five weeks later and its beautiful feathers began to fall out. Mother said it was molting but I knew better. Its eyes were lifeless like rocks. It's song no longer brought joy to my heart and it pained me to watch it's hopeless flutterings against the bars of its cage in a futile attempt to escape its prison. The banging drove me insane. I demanded it be removed from my sight but the guilt overwhelmed me and it was put back on my sill.

After much thought I wondered, was this bird so different to me?

The next day I set it free and cried tears of joy. I knew not whether it was safe or alive or happy, only that it was free. I sacrificed my happiness for its own and let it go because I loved it so much.

Choice. My choice. The choice to determine someone's happiness; a fragile thing.

Oh, I wish all choices in life were simple.

If you had only seen him, maybe you would understand. He was so happy at first; prancing round the castle with all the glee and spirit of a child. It drove Steiner up the wall. He would trail after me like a puppy sometimes, chattering incessantly, making me smile during those long, boring royal affairs. At night our passion burnt hot and fast like a match and my mornings were filled with laughter as sweet as birdsong.

Now? If only I could say the same.

I noticed a change after just two months - longer than the bird. He smiled less, I saw, and the spring went out of his step. After three months the adventurous sparkle dissipated from his eyes and were instead replaced with a sobriety I could not stand. His voice bordered on monotone as he spoke. Even his tail lost its lively swing.

After just six months he stopped following me. He said he could not stand the 'tiring' meetings. Often I caught him gazing forlornly out windows or sitting alone atop a turret, staring out into the mountain ranges beyond. Our lovemaking lost its heat and my heart ached.

Ached? Please excuse the tense, I meant 'aches'.

True, he is no longer the boy I knew. I watch his vivacious personality fade a little more everyday and a part of my along with it. It was but yesterday I saw him sitting with his Tantalus brothers, laughing and smiling and becoming the amiable, frivolous teenager I remember. I heard from a guard later that he told them nothing of his unhappiness, loneliness.

Does he still love me? I do not know for I am too afraid to ask. I can no longer look him in the eye for what I see there kills me inside, like the song of that beautiful bird. I am breaking him apart gradually like the ocean breaks apart a wet sandcastle.

But I do love him. I always will. I crave his spirit, mind, soul and body like the strongest drug. But I am not selfish. The image of the liberated bird flying away into the sky burns behind my eyes with such intense clarity that sometimes I am blinded by it.

What will he feel? Happiness? Guilt? Sorrow? Relief? Will he think of me, I wonder, when he lays with someone else? Will he recall my name with fondness or bitterness?

But it matters not. He rattles the bars of his cage so violently now that I can barely think. I hear nothing aside his sorrowful birdsong. I want to release myself as much as I want to release him.

I will cry again, no doubt, but once more they will be tears of joy.

_Angst I know. Please tell me what you think by clicking the magical review button below! xxx_


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